She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
