Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
