escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
