She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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