NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
