Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
