wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
