Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
