She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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