Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
don't judge my taste in strippers
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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