I got chris browned last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
