she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
