i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I would ride that face into the sunset
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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