Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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