i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
