I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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