the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
