I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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