i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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