Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
