Cold hands, warm shart.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
