i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The struggles of a small town man whore
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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