Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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