if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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