You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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