Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
