I wanna bring you to show and tell
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
