i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
