So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
