My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
