im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
