i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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