I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
