he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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