a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
