Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
