I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
