if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
