Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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