i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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