I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
