There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
