This is not my ceiling
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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