Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
