well most of my day revolves around power hour
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
