sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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