Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
