So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
