i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
