oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
