Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
