theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
