I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
