and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
