FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
