I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
