last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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