puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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