I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
