dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
