it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
