I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
