Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
