guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
