My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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