i jhust puked up my retainher.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
