you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
