Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
