So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
