omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
