just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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