Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
