Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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