You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
