Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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