I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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