lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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