currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
